A Father and Daughter’s Relationship: Daddy’s Letter in Heaven – Part One

Note: This letter to my dad was written almost two years ago. It was a timely psychology course assignment, but one that would seal my declaration for years of freedom from emotional and mental bitterness.  The topic and research were my choice.  Post this assignment, my memories of my dad are currently healthy and good ones. Therefore, I would like to share it with you—in two parts.  It is my sincere desire that someone from the blogging community or otherwise will be able to benefit from this rare, but potentially helpful missive.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let
God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and
pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2

Writing a Letter

Dear Father God,

Thank you for my life and the life of my parents. As you are aware, momma’s doing well.  Thank you for her health and strength.  Even though daddy’s with you now, there are things that I would like for him to know through this letter regarding a father and daughter’s relationship.  But in order for him to see this letter, I would like your permission and acknowledgment of my petition for you to open up the curtains of heaven so that he’ll be able to read it.

The purpose of this letter Father God is to let daddy know that I am doing well as an adjusted daughter, wife, mother, grandma and professional student.  So, in the meantime what I’ll do is patiently wait until I hear from you.

Good morning Father God, thank you for your answer to my petition in the dream that you gave me last night and for filling daddy in with all the details.  Now, I can proceed with this letter.

Hi daddy, oh how I sorely miss you and love you so much.  You’re always in my heart and I just want to thank you for the last three years of your life.  Those were the most indelibly poignant and best memories I’ve incurred in our relationship.  It’s been three years now since your homegoing service, and I’m at peace knowing that you are abiding in God’s Everlasting hands.  Oh yes, I’m doing well and am very content with my life.  As you already know from what Father God explained to you, I feel that writing this letter is an important step in my journey of reclaiming my complete mental and emotional health.  Not only that, your grand children and great grand children, as well as my husband is benefiting from my choices, growth and wholeness.

Daddy, I want you to know that choosing to be whole wasn’t easy.  Allow me to delve back, not to find fault, but as an observation beginning with the mid stages in my adolescent development.  Afterwards, I will follow-up with conveying situations that impacted my personality as an individual.  I believe that it was during that course of my life that I realized the dysfunctional interpersonal relationships in our family.  As you know, this painful experience of interpersonal behavior and interaction was very hurtful for all of us, but especially in our relationship as father and daughter.

Perhaps by assigning names to, using psychoanalytic theories and conceptualizing or describing different events, you can better understand, like I, why certain types of influences and behaviors emanated from me—my personality.  I wish to share with you how certain negative behaviors as a dad and which existed in our relationship, transacted to me.

To begin with, around the age of 13 or 14 I really needed to feel belong to and I especially needed the intimacy from you.  These needs that I was seeking were representations of emotional bonding.  Researchers for example, refer to this type of emotional bonding as the Attachment Theory.  Basically, an attachment theory involves the emotional bond one has with another. It’s an exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure with one another.  Developmental psychologists maintain that there are three patterns of attachment.  They are referred to as the secure, anxious or avoidant attachments.  The secure attachment style describes an individual who feels secure, comfortable, and safe in a relationship.  An individual who feels lack of proximity, insecurity, and absence of attachment in a relationship is considered anxious. Another attachment style and the last one, the avoidant, describes an individual as being somewhat uncomfortable and gets nervous being close to others in a relationship, as well as having difficulties trusting others [1].  According to these studies daddy, I would describe myself as being anxiously attached.

To further explain by using another example, my siblings and I weren’t really that close.  If I had it my way, we would’ve played together more, laughed a lot and wouldn’t have fought so often.  That may’ve seemed normal to you or perhaps describes a typical family, but my emotional connection lacked proximity and was negative.  There was little motivation and it felt as if the joy experienced in my early childhood stages no longer pervaded the atmosphere. I believe that’s probably where I experienced the first feelings of emotional detachment.

Daddy, I know that in heaven there are no misunderstandings, but for the record there were occasional positive sibling connections too.  However, I seemingly remember more disharmonies between my siblings and me.  To add, research studies suggest that humans need to “have a pervasive drive to form and maintain at least a minimum quantity of lasting, positive, and impactful relationships whether familial or sociocultural”[1].  As for the need for intimacy and according to theorists in psychology, this theory is the motivation which humans seek in relationships [1].  Your closeness, warmth and communication were really what I longed for from you, as my first love. Lack of the above paternal facets, father-daughter exchanges, and working three jobs would, unbeknownst to you, affect my identity for many years to come.

~Yah©bahne
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22 thoughts on “A Father and Daughter’s Relationship: Daddy’s Letter in Heaven – Part One

  1. Great message! It’s so much easier to ignore our feelings/emotions/relationships and deal with the superficial. It takes courage to dig deep and figure things out. Awesome!

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    • Thank you lady Paulette for your kind words. In every way this assignment was huge. And it was worth evr’y thing and feeling that I experienced along the way.

      It’s my hope that other people who are going through similar challenges stay the course of their journey to healing, no matter how long or how painful.

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    • Thank you lady missmangue. Come back and make yourself at home. There’s more here that you’re welcome to read/peruse. I look forward to reading more of your work. God bless you. 😊

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  2. Hi Yahobahne, it’s always a blessing to hear Honesty expressed we are often told that we must always be Happy Clappy if we have the Joy of The Lord but Jesus was known as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, our emotions are God given but it is how we express then that is important, we can hold onto bitterness and resentment until it eats us away or continue in our anger until it robs us of peace.

    Hurt People hurt God, other people and themselves, we need to seek God’s comfort and reassurance to be healed of the pain we have experienced. As you wisely shared this is our choice, we can choose to stay bitter, or as you have done, forgive and move on in Love, so wonderful that you chose to do this.

    Christian Love from us both Anne.

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    • Dear Lady Anne,

      Oh what joy it brings me to know how your tender expressions are the echoes of my of heart’s desires. And to walk in the true Love of Jesus is very sacrificial, even unto the excruciating and uncomfortable pain felt and that we endure from our individual hardships, for those of us who choose to take on a life of His sufferings, as an act of our surrender to Him (Romans 8:17 & 1Peter 4:13). To God be the glory!!
      Thank you for making yourself at home here. Much love sent to you and brother Ron.

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    • Yes ma’am lady Alice this is true. However, in the end the process of the journey was well worth it. For me, it was important and necessary.
      To add, I’m currently working on a novel which will provide more details to this saga. Thank you for stopping by.

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  3. I am so glad you visited my blog so I could find yours and read this truly relate-able letter. Having lost my dad also (3years ago) and experiencing many similarities to your letter I felt your words as clearly as my own. I just love how psychology pulls things apart so they can be understood and overcome. Thank you for sharing it, I look forward to part two. Blessings to you!

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    • Lady Water Bearer, it’s certainly nice to have met you and read entries from your blog. We are definitely sisters in common–in Christ. Thank you for the kind, heart-felt expressions.
      More important, thank you for making yourself at home. 😊

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  4. Your letter is so very beautifully written. On the one hand intellectual as to a rational explanation of happenings while on the other a most real and personal telling of the pain and love you experienced and longed for through the years. Brilliantly composed and written. Thank you for sharing, Penny ~ God bless you, xx

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    • And such a wise woman you are. Thank you lady Penny for stopping by and for your lovely compliments. You spoke on point about my intentions for writing this letter. Praise God! Stay tuned for Part Two. Meantime, you’re welcome to browse through, select a category, and read more. Greatly appreciated is your follow, thank you and God bless you. ooxx

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      • Absolutely a pleasure for me yahobahne to read well written words. But more to the point, to “feel” the person behind the words; to understand their makeup and essence; to understand why they are who and how they are. It is essential for our future dear one! 🙂

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      • Very perceptive of you lady Penny and I appreciate your perspective. I’m not blogging just to be writing (see: Yahobahne’s Mission), but I desire to send life/heart-changing messages hither and afar. I write and speak with genuineness about my experiences that took a great deal of time, seeking God’s face, prayer, forgiveness, pain and pain and pain, and research in order that I be made whole.
        “Ask and it shall be given; seek and ye shall find; knock and it will be open up unto you” scripture comes to mind (Matt. 7:7). This verse definitely describes my healing journey. To add, had it not been for the grace of God, none of these writings would be possible, heart-felt or real. Loving your love. 😊

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